..this is something I have been asking myself lately, this is something I've been asking of pretty much everyone in my life lately. It's funny because I don't have an answer.. which means they prolly don't either. Fuck.
Thursdays are my enemy. I'm afraid of thursdays. I never want Wednesday's to end.. and Friday's never come soon enough. Why is this, you ask? Because Thursday is the day I spend at home alone.. just me, and my fridge. Nothing to distract myself with.. nothing to stop me from binging my little heart out.
Yesterday night I managed to binge over 3,000 calories within 4 hours. I ate until my stomach was about to burts, then I was forced to get everything out of me, violently. Fuck I hate Thursday's.
Now back to the subject matter. What i wish I could just try a little harder at.. has got to be obvious. I wish i could try harder at losing weight.. being healthy, quit doing drugs, stop mutilating myself, stop freaking out on everyone around me for no goddam real reason, and be at peace. Easier said then done, yet who am I kidding, I don't put ANY honest effort towards these things. I just starve and bitch, rinse, repeat. As for everyone else.. I'm pretty sure they are sick of me.. therefore why the FUCK would they bother trying at anything they do which might affect me in a positive manner. Idk. I guess if I don't have any self worth, then why would they think I was worth anything. I don't blame them.
I just need like, the worlds biggest hug right now. =[
Fuck it. Goodnight.
<3K
*hugs* !!
ReplyDeleteAt least you only spend one day a week at home all alone with food, I spend 4!! Lonely!
I kind of know how you feel, I need to try harder too. I think we all have things we want to try harder at.
Alice xx